May 2013
1 post
RUBUS VILLOSUS
Hello! It has been so long and finally, I have come to share that new blog I was talking about last summer: rubusvillosus. There is also an accompanying Twitter account by the same name, @rubus_villosus. For the time being, I’m very active on Twitter on my @venomhearts account but as I am feeling the Phoenix within, I thought I’d share that part of the ashes will spread over those...
February 2013
2 posts
On the Ship of Sinking Baby, but Not Yet Sunk
Originally, this was supposed to be a love letter, but I was in class and had to put it off until the evening. Now evening is turning into night and I can’t even remember what made me want to write a love letter in the first place (although it literally just came back to me - we’re sticking with the current plan).
Tears have been slipping from my eyes and there’s been a...
October 2012
1 post
7 tags
Psychic Amy!
My beloved bloody stumps and bloody hearts. I’ve got a bit of the warm and fuzzies going on right now to be back and writing. Lately it’s been hard to translate my inner dialogue into words; emotional impressions have been so deep and lush I can’t find words for them. But I’ve come to share something special with you, it is but a small something that can have a profound...
September 2012
2 posts
7 tags
Days 37-40: So close to the end and at the...
Day 40 came and went on August 19, two days before my birthday. I was so close to the completion of Project 40 right on time but things don’t always go the way we plan. Somehow I’m adjusting to this without tremendous effort. And I guess that’s part of the point. Trying is best done with pure intentions, a whole heart, and with/of the resources you have. Trying isn’t...
August 2012
25 posts
8 tags
Day 36: Cycles, brought to you today by the number...
Catching up on almost all the posts I’d missed on Bleeding Heart gave me some perspective. There are a number of patterns I’ve found throughout doing my first Project 40 (which is nearly over!); combined with publicly posting has really made my awareness acute and created in me more motivation to break these cycles or alter their sphere of influence and the nature of their influence...
4 tags
Day 35: A Whole New World
An offer to go for a walk comes my way and though being a lazy bum in my pjs seemed far more promising for the blues I had going on, I knew movement was the better choice.
Not long after persuading myself to continually put one foot in front of the other, I came across a playing card on the ground. It happened to be a Princess Jasmine 8 card. I immediately picked it up and slipped it into my bag....
civis-anima asked: You write beautifully.
pixiesnakes asked: Just wanted to say thank you for your reply and I'm so happy that you've found the same thing to be true. I have so few people in my life that I can talk to about these things and I"m glad I'm not the only one that feels this way. :)
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Day 34: This Mess We're In (Me, Myself, & I)
I can’t remember the days. All I know is I’m sleeping more, I’m lethargic, my body is starting to feel what I feel on the inside. I’m aware that I’m exhibiting classic signs of depression. I’m even craving sweets.
I care but the feeling of disconnection is so prevalent that I cannot see a way to bridge the gap. My birthday draws near and I panic somewhat,...
8 tags
Day 33: Scarry Night
“I’m one scarry night.”
I write this in my journal after another night of picking away. I was messaging with Katelan and she suggested perhaps I see someone and take medication, even short term, to become stable. She related a lot to what I shared with her, sharing that I may have depression and a chemical imbalance much like she does. I know I have had depression on and off...
3 tags
Day 32: Slide
Last night I met up with someone I’ve known for a few years in the neighborhood. It’s hard to call her a friend, because I feel there’s an element of connection lacking, but she’s really cool, always with a beaming smile and leads a wonderfully interesting life.
I woke up with our meeting the night before on my mind. It unraveled me. It brought to light my loneliness....
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Day 31: Listening
After a super yummy breakfast of coffee, grilled cheese, and music, I discover two e-mails warm and baked in my inbox. A moment of selfhood occurred, where I felt that essence of who I am.
My iPod was on shuffle and as I opened the Winged Maiden’s e-mail, Scars had ended and Fumbling Towards Ecstasy came on. We have such a knack for synchronicity, the two of us, and those songs sang our...
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Day 30: Bubble Time
Day 2 of being selfish. Bed, tea, movies, tv shows, naps, meditation, crystals.
The feeling of something on the horizon that keeps one foot moving in front of the other. The seismic movement of the earth so deep you must be still and silent to hear it. But it makes everything shift. Everything, everything.
Confession: I’m hungry (and sometimes ache) for heart, flesh, and soul.
Oracle:...
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Day 29: Selfish
Taking the advice of turtle totem, I decide to spend the day relaxing, retreating into my own shell.
I lounge around, closing my eyes for half an hour when I feel a tension headache coming on from all the ‘lectronics.
Towards the evening my mood shifted from happily prancing around in my bed and watching online telly, to cloudy and brooding. Truth be told, I’d been feeling...
Curious to know...
If you guys have any opinions as to how to make this Bleeding Heart more interactive?
I am very interested in creating a space for you guys to interact with me, comment, ask questions, share your own insight and magical lives. Not sure if that means using a different a website altogether, or if there is any interest on your end in this.
I am looking to expand the content of my blog as well,...
4 tags
Death by Ink
I came here to kill you
That you may die so that you may be born
I come with a loaded pen
Ready to unload a clip of ink
Unto your fabrication
I’ve written about you before
I remember once after I met one of your forms
As you come to me in pieces and fragments
The realization that the very trains we took
Were the very adventures I had put to paper
Another time you were...
7 tags
Day 28: Turtle Walk
Though I had wanted to spend the day getting some writing samples together, I could not stay inside. My brain has been rewired and now thinks “if you do not step outside, you’ve done nothing.”
I decide to walk the 3 mile trail by the place I lived just a few months ago. I experienced a wistful nostalgia for my old home, my former roommates, the neighborhood, the walk at...
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Day 27: Fragments
What does it mean to share oneself?
The phrase “a ball of energy” is stuck in my head. I think about people whose eyes are captivating because they radiate energy. Then I think about people whose bodies vibrate powerfully no matter their shape or features… there’s just this energy, a magnetism to them.
Do you ever have things “tainted,”...
5 tags
Day 26: Blanky Energy
Beautiful to wake up and the first thing I see is a blue sky and the first thing I hear is music. I toss and turn, my consciousness between sleep and song until I greet the day.
Somehow I end up back in bed, tangled up in my blanket, headed swiftly into the Land of Nod (which has other interesting implications, aside from sleep).
When I awake I find it is a lot easier to release and I catch...
kennethsmoot-deactivated2013031 asked: I just wanted to let you know that the image on the left of this page is awesome! I can't stop watching it : )
7 tags
Day 25: Pre-Birthday Doldrums
Does anybody else experience depression/sadness leading up to their birthday?
Upon waking this morning, I furiously scribbled in my journal. For the past week, I’ve been intimating the gloomy decline of my feelings, hinting here and there at the reasons to ultimately realize today it’s my bornday looming closer each day.
I’ve been avoiding planning anything because I worry...
13 tags
Day 24: Mythical Maiden Meeting
Leisure and play are part of my routine to get ready to meet a magical fairy tale friend in the city tonight. I dance to sonic vibrations, get a little silly and a little sexy, and keep my pajamas on until the last minute.
She and I meet for Ethiopian and are quite Taurean about our meal, taking our time to eat and savor the flavor. We talked astrology and exchanged personal tales, spending a...
5 tags
Day 23: Snail mail
I picked up mail from my old address today. As soon as I was handed the envelope and the postcard, I couldn’t wait to find a place to read it. 
I head to the sphere where I tuck myself in that perfect 90 degree angle and inhale the thick, soupy air. I was happy. Humidity breathing hot upon my hair couldn’t compete with the hair raising feeling that I am so fortunate to meet the people in life...
4 tags
Day 22: The Definition of Soon via The Universe
The rain makes me want to stay inside, cozy up to the window, and lose myself in the cascading touch of the rain on everything green. Except all I can do is think about being productive, so I find small ways to stay busy while staying in.
At some point during the day, and after a few pages of journaling, I realize I need to do something about this major insecurity flare up I’ve been having...
5 tags
Day 21: Lady Shadow Self and the Art of Being Seen
I’ve always said God has a wicked sense of humor. Insert universe, spirit, deity, or whatever force you believe in, it still applies. I’ve learned to laugh with the universe, even if I was the brunt of the joke. Well, most of the time I can laugh with them lol.
I got a job offer from one of the ads I responded to off Craigslist. At first I was excited, but then my intuition kicks...
6 tags
Day 20: Saturn and Lady Control Freak
I often plan my day and it never goes accordingly. The intentions I set go awry. I always hope to fill each day to the rim but I often feel like I walk away with the glass half-empty.
When I first started my Project 40, my days had some substance I felt was worthy of sharing. Today I was on the phone with my scholarship, fine tuning my fall semester schedule, and journaling. I’m not...
July 2012
26 posts
3 tags
Day 19: Affirming Commitment
It’s one of those days you just run errands from shortly after you wake up until the evening when you come home, stuff your face, shower, and snuggle in your bed.
Around day 16, I had been feeling like I needed “to sleep” on the days, rather than creating a post before I went to bed. Then days 17-19 happened to be extravagantly mundane. I haven’t gotten much feedback on...
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Day 18: Nighttime
I open an old journal and write about 8-10 pages about all the little gremlins fucking up my mood and tampering with my perception. I take a break to watch The Craft, which is about the only interesting part of my day.
I love this movie and I can tell there’s a renewed obsession. It’s so witchy and 90s and fucking fantastic all around.
It brought back memories of “light as a...
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Day 17: City Love
Train rides are a form of meditation for me. I think that’s why I’m so selective about who I take them with.
The night before I had finished my journal. Last Christmas I was given one as a gift, I went to use it but it doesn’t feel right. I’m having trouble finding a journal I vibe with. It makes me feel like a bit of crazy person to say this, after all, it’s a...
1 tag
Day 16: Recharging Inchworm
What is a better way to say uneventful? It’s a day of leisure, wherein I inch about slowly. I journal, I nap, I move my body. When a lot of electricity is running, and I’m on limited energy, I get zapped into tiredness faster. I’ll keep going but in about seven days my body will clamp down and drag me under into slumber. Or I won’t have enough time to sort through my...
5 tags
Day 15: Day of The Devil
You should see the look of surprise on people’s faces when The Devil appears in their reading; I read tarot - (which I offer readings, in exchange for generally money, and am available for readings) - I walk the querent through. I explain to them that The Devil is not someone to fear, he simply takes on the shape of whatever it is you fear. When he rattles the chains that bind you, he does...
3 tags
Day 14: Black Rose
It’s official, I am in a relationship. A loving, committed relationship. And I am so very head over heels in love.
As I walk to visit Katelan’s cat, I spy a single rose located in the crook of the elbow where sidewalk and building meet. I take the flower into my arms and it is a long stem rose, poised above my heart. The fairytale switch has been flicked, I walk dreamily the rest...
3 tags
Day 13: Bad Connections
I do not feel as connected to the people around me as I would like to be. I cannot tell if this is a good thing or a bad thing. It would seem the immediate reaction would be to deem it a bad thing, but there is a particular stasis to my friendships that allows for them to last a lot longer than the those with intense highs and lows. It is a struggle to feel I can completely express myself around...
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Day 12: Sultry Sorceress, apparently.
I never really thought about the impact of what you wear (or don’t wear) to bed. Some nighttime wear makes you feel a sultry sorceress, or that someone should be in bed next to you, or just more aware of anything and everything coming into contact with your skin.
If I were a wolf, my ears would be perked up, snout in the air. Something is on its way.
People watching occurs on the bus...
3 tags
Day 11: Mild.
Right before I go to post, I think to myself that I’m not really feeling updating today. My mind is preoccupied with the Twitter conversations between myself, RisaRM, and BornToRoar. I’m thinking about my creative life, my professional life (whatever and wherever it is), and how one cannot live without the other. I’m thinking about passion, power, healing, and sex. Not...
Inquiries, insight, mischievous universe play,... →
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Day 10: It Was a Good Day
It’s a beautiful rainy day in the city. As I walked out of the apartment, the smell of freshly wet earth awakened me, priming my senses. I couldn’t sleep last night, finally closing my eyes around five in the morning. I had to be up at 7AM to meet a friend in from out of town. I wasn’t feeling the trek ahead of me on so little sleep but I knew it’d be worth it.
I get to...
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Day 9: Phoenix Song
I call Scarlette. Technically, I texted her first but I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to speak to her. To be honest, I’m not entirely clear on what my own intentions are. I simply acted on a feeling that spoke so loudly I could not hear anything else. I gave in. It seems like a good call, no pun intended. I suspect it’s someone’s sneaky way of making me do mirror work....
5 tags
Day 8: Heat
It is one of the hottest days of the NYC summer thus far. There’s air in the sky, heat down here, and with all the combustible energy we’re all little too hot-headed.
I break down in front of the wine today. The savory and fragrant nectar reminiscent of blood, the aphrodisiac juices intoxicating a slow burn in your life stream headed south.
I needed to rinse myself of the grime,...
2 tags
Empath Tip!
Learn to be aware of when you’re projecting. This is rather tricky because there can be times when the emotion has a base within you and within the other person but because it’s something you haven’t addressed, you may consider this their problem. Often times our empath kicks in strongest when it’s something we’ve known in our own lives. This is why I’m an...
Day 7: Sponsored by Coffee, Endorphins, and Waning...
Coffee, I luv you. I love you so very, very much.
Which is to say, I had a cup today two hours after waking up (which is better than having none but I like to have it sooner) and I was able to do things! Cheers, coffee. You have made my day.
I worked out today because I was way more idle this weekend than I’m used to and I got really fucked up by all the stagnant energies. Exercise gave...
Day 6: Nothing is as it seems
My days are falling apart at the seams. It is neither good nor bad, it just is. The nights are where it’s at. The nights are when the magic happens.
For awhile, my computer was off more often than it was on. I barely bothered with the internet with the exception of two or three days a week. As of this past week, I’ve been on the computer everyday. Overdose! This is a contributing...
Day 5: Mirror Magic
I’m reading through the Xanga of a former friend. Scarlette (as we’ll call her) was the most potent, ferocious mirror I’d ever experienced and I can’t help but feel like I did not measure up. And that little snippet right there, is the key, not feeling like enough.
I see the connections more and more, and I see Her hand in everything. I was writing a draft of Day 5 on...
Day 4: Batshit Crumble Cake
It’s been a moody slope down to the weekend. And out of the not so easy bake oven today came batshit crumble cake. I was in a really shitty mood and I do not like being in really shitty moods. They get all over everything and it’s a black tar I could really do without. I think of Mercury Retrograde in Leo but I know that’s not reason enough.
My head feels like it’s on...
Day 3: Friday the 13th
Around the stroke of midnight, I lay back in my bed and swipe at two books, one of which is new to my literary rotation. For some reason I pulled The Crow off of the bookshelf today. I slide a little further on the bed and open.
My heart is racing a bit. Something about this book feels meaningful in my hands. Somewhere along the heroin drip into this book, I begin to think of Brandon Lee....
