August 2012
25 posts
8 tags
Day 36: Cycles, brought to you today by the number...
Catching up on almost all the posts I’d missed on Bleeding Heart gave me some perspective. There are a number of patterns I’ve found throughout doing my first Project 40 (which is nearly over!); combined with publicly posting has really made my awareness acute and created in me more motivation to break these cycles or alter their sphere of influence and the nature of their influence...
4 tags
Day 35: A Whole New World
An offer to go for a walk comes my way and though being a lazy bum in my pjs seemed far more promising for the blues I had going on, I knew movement was the better choice.
Not long after persuading myself to continually put one foot in front of the other, I came across a playing card on the ground. It happened to be a Princess Jasmine 8 card. I immediately picked it up and slipped it into my bag....
civis-anima asked: You write beautifully.
pixiesnakes asked: Just wanted to say thank you for your reply and I'm so happy that you've found the same thing to be true. I have so few people in my life that I can talk to about these things and I"m glad I'm not the only one that feels this way. :)
4 tags
4 tags
Day 34: This Mess We're In (Me, Myself, & I)
I can’t remember the days. All I know is I’m sleeping more, I’m lethargic, my body is starting to feel what I feel on the inside. I’m aware that I’m exhibiting classic signs of depression. I’m even craving sweets.
I care but the feeling of disconnection is so prevalent that I cannot see a way to bridge the gap. My birthday draws near and I panic somewhat,...
8 tags
Day 33: Scarry Night
“I’m one scarry night.”
I write this in my journal after another night of picking away. I was messaging with Katelan and she suggested perhaps I see someone and take medication, even short term, to become stable. She related a lot to what I shared with her, sharing that I may have depression and a chemical imbalance much like she does. I know I have had depression on and off...
3 tags
Day 32: Slide
Last night I met up with someone I’ve known for a few years in the neighborhood. It’s hard to call her a friend, because I feel there’s an element of connection lacking, but she’s really cool, always with a beaming smile and leads a wonderfully interesting life.
I woke up with our meeting the night before on my mind. It unraveled me. It brought to light my loneliness....
2 tags
Day 31: Listening
After a super yummy breakfast of coffee, grilled cheese, and music, I discover two e-mails warm and baked in my inbox. A moment of selfhood occurred, where I felt that essence of who I am.
My iPod was on shuffle and as I opened the Winged Maiden’s e-mail, Scars had ended and Fumbling Towards Ecstasy came on. We have such a knack for synchronicity, the two of us, and those songs sang our...
3 tags
Day 30: Bubble Time
Day 2 of being selfish. Bed, tea, movies, tv shows, naps, meditation, crystals.
The feeling of something on the horizon that keeps one foot moving in front of the other. The seismic movement of the earth so deep you must be still and silent to hear it. But it makes everything shift. Everything, everything.
Confession: I’m hungry (and sometimes ache) for heart, flesh, and soul.
Oracle:...
5 tags
Day 29: Selfish
Taking the advice of turtle totem, I decide to spend the day relaxing, retreating into my own shell.
I lounge around, closing my eyes for half an hour when I feel a tension headache coming on from all the ‘lectronics.
Towards the evening my mood shifted from happily prancing around in my bed and watching online telly, to cloudy and brooding. Truth be told, I’d been feeling...
Curious to know...
If you guys have any opinions as to how to make this Bleeding Heart more interactive?
I am very interested in creating a space for you guys to interact with me, comment, ask questions, share your own insight and magical lives. Not sure if that means using a different a website altogether, or if there is any interest on your end in this.
I am looking to expand the content of my blog as well,...
4 tags
Death by Ink
I came here to kill you
That you may die so that you may be born
I come with a loaded pen
Ready to unload a clip of ink
Unto your fabrication
I’ve written about you before
I remember once after I met one of your forms
As you come to me in pieces and fragments
The realization that the very trains we took
Were the very adventures I had put to paper
Another time you were...
7 tags
Day 28: Turtle Walk
Though I had wanted to spend the day getting some writing samples together, I could not stay inside. My brain has been rewired and now thinks “if you do not step outside, you’ve done nothing.”
I decide to walk the 3 mile trail by the place I lived just a few months ago. I experienced a wistful nostalgia for my old home, my former roommates, the neighborhood, the walk at...
3 tags
Day 27: Fragments
What does it mean to share oneself?
The phrase “a ball of energy” is stuck in my head. I think about people whose eyes are captivating because they radiate energy. Then I think about people whose bodies vibrate powerfully no matter their shape or features… there’s just this energy, a magnetism to them.
Do you ever have things “tainted,”...
5 tags
Day 26: Blanky Energy
Beautiful to wake up and the first thing I see is a blue sky and the first thing I hear is music. I toss and turn, my consciousness between sleep and song until I greet the day.
Somehow I end up back in bed, tangled up in my blanket, headed swiftly into the Land of Nod (which has other interesting implications, aside from sleep).
When I awake I find it is a lot easier to release and I catch...
kennethsmoot-deactivated2013031 asked: I just wanted to let you know that the image on the left of this page is awesome! I can't stop watching it : )
7 tags
Day 25: Pre-Birthday Doldrums
Does anybody else experience depression/sadness leading up to their birthday?
Upon waking this morning, I furiously scribbled in my journal. For the past week, I’ve been intimating the gloomy decline of my feelings, hinting here and there at the reasons to ultimately realize today it’s my bornday looming closer each day.
I’ve been avoiding planning anything because I worry...
13 tags
Day 24: Mythical Maiden Meeting
Leisure and play are part of my routine to get ready to meet a magical fairy tale friend in the city tonight. I dance to sonic vibrations, get a little silly and a little sexy, and keep my pajamas on until the last minute.
She and I meet for Ethiopian and are quite Taurean about our meal, taking our time to eat and savor the flavor. We talked astrology and exchanged personal tales, spending a...
5 tags
Day 23: Snail mail
I picked up mail from my old address today. As soon as I was handed the envelope and the postcard, I couldn’t wait to find a place to read it. 
I head to the sphere where I tuck myself in that perfect 90 degree angle and inhale the thick, soupy air. I was happy. Humidity breathing hot upon my hair couldn’t compete with the hair raising feeling that I am so fortunate to meet the people in life...
4 tags
Day 22: The Definition of Soon via The Universe
The rain makes me want to stay inside, cozy up to the window, and lose myself in the cascading touch of the rain on everything green. Except all I can do is think about being productive, so I find small ways to stay busy while staying in.
At some point during the day, and after a few pages of journaling, I realize I need to do something about this major insecurity flare up I’ve been having...
5 tags
Day 21: Lady Shadow Self and the Art of Being Seen
I’ve always said God has a wicked sense of humor. Insert universe, spirit, deity, or whatever force you believe in, it still applies. I’ve learned to laugh with the universe, even if I was the brunt of the joke. Well, most of the time I can laugh with them lol.
I got a job offer from one of the ads I responded to off Craigslist. At first I was excited, but then my intuition kicks...
6 tags
Day 20: Saturn and Lady Control Freak
I often plan my day and it never goes accordingly. The intentions I set go awry. I always hope to fill each day to the rim but I often feel like I walk away with the glass half-empty.
When I first started my Project 40, my days had some substance I felt was worthy of sharing. Today I was on the phone with my scholarship, fine tuning my fall semester schedule, and journaling. I’m not...
