Day 34: This Mess We’re In (Me, Myself, & I)
I can’t remember the days. All I know is I’m sleeping more, I’m lethargic, my body is starting to feel what I feel on the inside. I’m aware that I’m exhibiting classic signs of depression. I’m even craving sweets.
I care but the feeling of disconnection is so prevalent that I cannot see a way to bridge the gap. My birthday draws near and I panic somewhat, fearing that it’s going to echo birthdays past…ringing of disappointment and loneliness.
I don’t understand why I just can’t be happy.
I don’t post because I don’t want to talk about this mess we’re in - me, myself, and I. I have empaths following me and I’m not trying to share feelings that I’m pretty sure they know all too well, only to have it be a trigger for them.
But I figure maybe we all just need to know someone out there understands. We’re not alone.
Classic symptoms of depression. Body aches, sleeping more often, lack of motivation, emotional eating. Oh yes.
Virtue: Considering an alternative plan, revisiting a dream that can still come true.
Vice: having the sads.
Hopelessness. Though I honestly have no idea how to give any of this up because when I think I have and end up back here, it’s clear I haven’t.
One Direction. Yes indeed. Watching their interviews gave me a few well needed laughs.
The battle between letting myself break down and fighting it. I don’t know if that’s structure but that’s pretty much the architecture of my day.
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