Catching up on almost all the posts I’d missed on Bleeding Heart gave me some perspective. There are a number of patterns I’ve found throughout doing my first Project 40 (which is nearly over!); combined with publicly posting has really made my awareness acute and created in me more motivation to break these cycles or alter their sphere of influence and the nature of their influence (i.e. negative to positive).

1. Despite being aware of how sensitive, emotional, and moody I can be, I don’t really give my emotions proper outlets. This causes a number of issues.  Also, I’m uncomfortable sharing how I feel.
2. Imbalance is one of the major themes in my life and one of the things that perturbs me the most. From day to day how I view myself, my world, those around me, to how I spend my time (or not spend it) can change at a moment’s notice. These kind of extreme changes can rattle me, spill over into the next day unless I actively do something about it.
3. Time management. It’s a skill I lack and the older I get, the more scared I get I’m just wasting it.
4. Good news is I know I’m capable of so much more. Bad news is I don’t do much about it. I think too much.
5. Thinking too much can destroy my mood and then I go and destroy anything I’ve been building because I get all “this is pointless.” (Which is more pointless).

There are more I’m sure but those sprouted to mind immediately. Debating whether or not I want to do a second Project 40, or if I want to do a different kind of project.

Confession:
I’m burning to change my life. Fucking smoldering.

Oracle:
Considering I’m reflecting upon cycles, it definitely ties into the number 8 which also represents cycles - including transforming them and breaking one cycle to start another. The longer you spend in a cycle the stronger it becomes, and the harder it becomes to break. So choose wisely.

Body:
Eating light, haven’t had too much of an appetite. Also, I haven’t been drinking nearly enough water and I think it’s causing me to be lethargic. I need that internal cleanse, the movement of water to keep things flowing.

Virtue/Vice: 
Virtue: keeping up with Project 40.

Vice: poor time management and prioritization skills.

Relinquish: 
The cycles listed above.  

Inspiration/Gods:
Travel, adventure, spontaneity. 

Structure: 
Posting for the blog.

9 months ago · 0 notes